Orland Evangelical Free Church | New York Times Readers and Weddings

Yesterday (May 9^th) the Times published Patricia Cohen's piece, "Love, Honor, Cherish, and Buy," which gives the reader a tour of a bridal exposition. It quickly made the most e-mailed list.

I have a theory that many people want to be in a movie. They want the orchestra to swell during their meaningful moments, they want others to view them from the right angle, and they want their tragedies to impact the audience. They keep trying to deliver zinger lines.

Their emotional world has to be supercharged.

So when they get married they spend $27,000 - an average, Cohen says, "the industry likes to cite."

What kind of movie can you make on that budget?

Well, there's the videographer without whom it wouldn't be cinema. There are set-design elements like "a 4 ½ foot tower of calla lilies ($700)" and the limo - which on wedding special is $720 for 3 ½ hours including "an aisle runner, Champagne, bar and ‘horns' that play ‘Here Comes the Bride' when the car stops."

There are perks for the cast, like "a drugstore-style photo booth" at $1,595 for four hours. You can have it for five hours plus an attendant for a mere $100 more. You can rent "a portable toilet with oak cabinetry, marbled sinks, Oriental rugs and a black-tie attendant ($3,495 for eight hours)." There are half-liter bottles of water with labels bearing pictures of the bride and groom at $48 a case.

There's the score, played by the band you're "bringing up from New Orleans."

But don't forget the stars.

For him, "a long, white buttonless tuxedo with a mandarin collar ($119 to rent)." For her, wedding specials on teeth whitening, laser cellulite reduction and hair removal, and weight-loss.

For both, insurance to protect the perfect day: from WedSafe a policy of $25,000 for $295 "that protects against bad weather, death or an illness that forces cancellation."

Knowing that people want to be in a movie, "the industry" uses the hard-sell.

Fill out a card at the expo and you'll be mailed, e-mailed, and called by dozens of vendors. The videographer tells you that if you don't hire him "you're happiness will be lost, your memories will be lost." Best not even to announce you're shopping for a wedding because "vendors know that ‘if it's a wedding, you're going to spend more.'"

But hiding the fact that you're getting married may not be wise either.

Suppose you don't want the limo wedding special for $720 for 3 ½ hours of driving, Champagne, and tuneful "horns." Suppose you just want a normal limo for four hours at $576. Saleswoman: "You can't. If the bride and groom are in the car, you can't do it. We've pulled in, and there is a woman in a wedding dress, and they can't do it. The car had to leave."

How can "the industry" get away with such craven tactics?

Because it knows that when the perfect day comes people would rather watch themselves than be themselves.